Richard Pryor III (1983) | How To Kill a MockingBird, a Plane, and Superman (Warning: Language. Yeah, it's that bad)

Introduction

I really, really don't want to do this. I hate this film, I despise this film. I think it's the worst Superman film and one of the worst CBMs ever made. It's not just campy, it's annoying, insulting, and degrading. This film makes Batman and Robin look like a masterpiece, it makes Josstice League look like a cinematic achievement, it makes fucking X-Men Origins seem inviting. It's the only Superman film I refuse to own, but hey it's part of the franchise and I have to review it! Lord help me, I need it, this is Superman III.

Production

Not much to talk about here. First two made money. Lester and the Newmans were back. Kidder and Hackman were out. Richard Pryor got in and that basically defined the direction of the film.

The only interesting things in production is what got scrapped. The original plan when Donner was there was that Tom Mankiewicz would do Superman III himself. Obviously that never happened. The other scrapped plan was a full treatment with Brainiac, Supergirl, and Mxyzptlk. Sound cool? Well it wasn't. In fact it literally had Braniac as Kara's surrogate father, Kara develop incestuous feeling towards Clark, and Braniac even fall in love with his "daughter". I think Ilya Salkind had some issues guys.

Other than that production went smoothly. So... let's finally talk about this dick-horse of a film.

Superman III Review

We open with a crowded shot focused on a man named Gus, played by this film's real main character, Richard Pryor. He's trying to apply for unemployment. Now this could be used for some social commentary. But it isn't. In fact this scene just seems to want to establish a dramatic sympathy for Gus. And already we have an issue. Richard Pryor is apparently supposed to be a dramatic character? Really? Oh yeah, the disjointed tone continues further as we get some truly lazy opening credits played over a god awful slapstick routine. Everything bad about the Lester parts of 2 is amplified right here at the beginning. It doesn't help that it immediately makes the movie feel out-of-place in the franchise, lacking the iconic opening credits sequence. Now there was a space sequence shot, but it was only used in the TV version. I may do a bonus episode on all the extended TV versions of these movies, but not as part of this retrospective.

So we start and oh yeah this score's already getting on my nerves. Ken Thorne really, really tried to make the most cartoonish score possible. And it's incredibly irritating! So anyways Gus (Yeah we're back to Gus already) turns out to be some sort of computer wizard. We then see the Daily Planet as Lois and Jimmy introduce our supposed big villain, Robert Vaughn as Ross Webster. We then get some exposition about how Clark will go to his high school reunion and how Lois is going on vacation to Bermuda (Because Margot Kidder and Lester did not get along at all). We go back to Gus and he does the thing he does most in this film, WHINE. All he does is whine. And they call that comedy for some reason. Why is he not funny in this? Richard Pryor is a funny guy, why is he so annoying here? We then see Smallville, with police and the fire department around a burning area. And then we get... Jimmy Olsen trying to be a badass? And oddly enough this one scene is the only time Jimmy Olsen has ever been truly entertaining in these movies. Dammit, why can't we focus on him instead of Pryor?!

An admittedly nice scene of him saving some people and stopping a catastrophic acid spill ensues. Even then it is shot a little... off. Again, Lester just didn't know how to shoot an epic Superman film. Also Jimmy almost dies and returns to being annoying, that's the Olsen I remember! Anyways, we move on to the reunion where Clark runs into Lana Lang. Thankfully this is not Kristen Kreuk. Also they make a random reference to Ma Kent being dead? Ummm, that seems pretty damn important. There's a "quirky" scene of Clark trying to dance (Reeve looks like he has a spontaneous seizure. Working with Lester has been known to have that effect). Then back to Gus. Then back to Clark and Lana. One thing I will compliment is I do like O'Toole as Lana. She has a different chemistry with Reeve than Kidder does, it's less passion and more comfort, more longing. They really do act like how you'd expect people in these positions to act. Credit where it's due, I think Lester did romance better here than in 2. Sadly we return to boring stuff as we finally see Ross Webster, finding out that Gus took money from the company. I don't like Ross Webster, he's such a generic rich bad guy and at times it feels like he's trying too hard to match Hackman. In fact it wasn't until seeing this movie that in retrospect I began to appreciate just how much effort Hackman put into that performance. It's not that Vaughn does a bad job, it's that he's never really given the spotlight to do a good job. Superman III I think is the film that invented villain overload.

More of the Clark and Lana show as Reeve starts to feel honestly pretty good in a more relaxed and laid back version of Clark. He's able to help out Lana's son with bowling and build his confidence. This Superman would've been really great to watch as a father honestly. We never got that, the closest was Superman Returns. And... yeah that wasn't exactly great. Webster and Gus finally meet and they decide to team up to control the... coffee industry? Wow, I didn't think we could ever get any lower than Beachfront Property. Their plan? Get this, cause natural disasters with a satellite that controls weather. From Smallville of course! So that him and Clark can have a not funny interaction on the street. We return once again to a really enjoyable family dynamic with Clark, Lana, and her son. It doesn't feel like Superman, but it feels like in these scene's Lester's romcom tendencies kinda work. Dare I say Reeve and Lana feel more genuine in many ways than Clark and Lois. Like I said last time, Lois doesn't really know Clark deep down. Here, Lana is getting the chance to really know Clark for who he really is in a ways Lois never could in this world. He actually lets his guard down with Lana. But he does have to turn into Superman and eventually saves Ricky (Lana's son) from nearly being Maximum Overdrive'd. Again, they have a really sweet dynamic the three of them.

Anyways more unfunny shit with Pryor. Annoying sequence with Gus causing a bunch of chaos with the computer. Superman of course saves Colombia (Via ADR exposition over Flashbacks). This of course angers Webster, who asks Gus to create Kryptonite. So Gus uses his computer to analyze Krypton's Debris to identify the composition of Kryptonite and how to create it. Why he doesn't just search Earth for existing Kryptonite I don't know. One element of Kryptonite is unknown and so Gus substitutes Tar from his cigarette pack.

Alright, so this is a concept that would later by adapted in Smallville and even the comics. The concept of "Black Kryptonite". Essentially Black Kryptonite splits a being into two halves, the person they want to be and the person they would have normally become. In Smallville it splits Clark from Kal-El and Davis from Doomsday. Here it operates, well... differently. He is exposed to it at a town celebration for Ricky's birthday (Which is annoying. Like everything else). He starts just acting... mean. Not corrupt or evil, just mean. Less what Smallville would do with Black Kryptonite and more what Spider-Man 3 would do with the Symbiote. And honestly this is one of the worst aspects of the movie. Reeve trying to be creepy and sinister comes off... wrong. He seems visibly uncomfortable with this aspect of this film. This should be an ambitious, dark concept. Instead he just creeps on Lana, moves the Tower of Pisa, and blows out the Olympic flame. Anywho, Webster decides that the next course of action should be having his bimbo Lorelei seduce Superman to make sure an oil tanker doesn't break from the course that Webster wants. Oh yeah, he has a bimbo who is depicted as hiding her actual intelligence from everyone around her for... I honestly don't know why. He also has a super stuck-up sister named Vera. And yes it is odd that a franchise that had Cliff Clavin's actor in it also has a character named Vera. As well, Gus convinces Webster to let him build a powerful Supercomputer. For full control.

Lorelei successfully seduces Superman and gets him to straight up breach the ship and cause an oil spill. Again, Reeve feels so awkward in this villainous role, especially when fucking a bad blonde bimbo is his only motivation right now. So he fucks her. Anyways, Gus' supercomputer is dropped off in the Grand Canyon and Lana's abusive ex keeps stalking her. And I don't mean Superman I mean her human ex. Because apparently this goofy comedy now wants to address stalking and abuse. Right before we see that iconic image. Superman in a bar drunk (Kryptonians apparently have the same alcohol issues as humans) destroying shit. Ricky's words end up bringing the real Clark out in him, causing the best scene in this whole movie. The scene that single-handedly manages to convince some people this isn't that bad a film. Clark Kent fighting the evil Superman. And yeah, it's a really friggin' awesome scene and the only time Reeve ever feels entertaining to watch as the mean Superman. They fight almost wordlessly in a truly breathtaking scene for the time with impressive effects and an intense vibe. If this was attached to a better film this could've gone down as one of the best moments in comic book cinema history. It genuinely surprised me how good it was on this watch. Clark of course ends up killing off the evil Superman, and is restored to his former glory with the inspiring classic theme behind him. Again, why wasn't this the true focus of the film?

Superman starts repairing the damage he had done and immediately begins to win back the favor of the people. He also goes after Webster after Vera sets a trap (Wait why would they still want to kill him when they think he's bad?). They're in the grand canyon with... some really fucking terrible green screen. Like... good god that's bad. Like... Superman IV bad. In fact the budget seems to drop like a rock after that Clark v Superman fight. Webster then uses video game-esque technology to launch missiles at Superman. Complete with a high score charter. Superman of course beats them all except one that flings him into a rock. He approaches them and after a stellar re-do of the shield bubble from Superman II (SARCASM) the computer launches a kryptonite beam at him.

Gus spontaneously decides he isn't okay with killing Superman, and so he gets his redemption moment to save him. This should be a truly monumental moment, but it just feels empty. Why? Because this whole movie they've been trying and failing to make Gus a dramatic character. Dare I say they wanted Gus to be the heart of this film. But he's just annoying and unlikeable. He never truly shines the way the movie bets on him shining. So Webster tries to kill Gus, but the Computer reactivates itself because now its self-aware and wants to kill Superman. Also Lorelei decides she wants Superman to live because... Eve Tessmacher did it. Gus destroys the Kryptonite beam with an axe, but the computer retaliates and tries to kill Gus (That whole "obeys Gus" thing didn't work out). The computer then turns Vera into a Cyborg and... okay it looks sufficiently disturbing. So Cyber-Vera then disables Ross and Lorelei for... really no reason. She tries to kill Superman with electricity, but Superman uses acid and destroys the computer. Yep, our exciting climax is acid boiling. No epic fight, no epic feat of strength, just acid boiling because Superman happened to put it there. For fuck's sakes, Superman Returns had a better climax!

Superman manages to get Gus out of the wreckage (But the others will certainly be fine with their giant wounds, concussions, and suffocation!). We get an annoying scene of Superman carrying Gus over a really terrible green screen. Superman recommends Gus as a computer programmer to some workers which... okay this is a nice scene. It perfectly exemplifies Superman's belief not only in redemption but it giving people a real chance at it. Sadly it's ruined by Gus going right back to being selfish and annoying. This was right about to make a great ending note, and it didn't. And it just keeps going. This should be the last scene, right? Instead we get Clark giving Lana a diamond ring and Brad walking in thinking it's a proposal (Though really, how else can it be taken?). A "funny" scene of Superman sending Brad flying into an elevator ensues. Though credit, I still hate him beating up the trucker in II more. Anyways Lana gets a job as secretary at the Daily Planet and Lois shows up for a scene that seems to tease a love triangle that will never happen. Superman puts the Tower of Pisa back to the way it was and that of course ruins more livelihoods that have already been trashed! And that was Superman III. Fuck this movie.

Conclusion

On the one hand, I can see why some people like it. It does more to show Clark in a relaxed and comfortable element than 1 or 2. Lana is surprisingly likable as a love interest. The Superman v Superman fight is amazing. Thing is, that's one of three main plots in Superman III, and its the least connected one by far. In Superman 1 and 2, every plot connects to each other. Meanwhile, you could cut Lana and that entire good portion of the movie OUT of the movie! And you're left with the majority of Superman III. A campy, god awful mess.

Gus Gorman is not a good character. He's annoying and the direction never seems to understand if it wants to make him a funny or dramatic character, and so it fails at both. Ross Webster is a villain that never feels intimidating, threatening, or even entertaining. Vera is just a stuck up bitch that appears and disappears whenever the plot needs her. And then there's Lorelei who honestly is just a hugely disappointing character. They establish fairly early on that she's way more intelligent than people think. But she never does anything with it. It never factors into anything. If anything, it makes her less likable than a pure idiot because she KNOWS what she's doing is wrong! Simply put all of the villains fall flat. Which wouldn't be an issue if this wasn't THEIR movie.

Let's be real, this is a Gus Gorman movie with Superman in it. Gus is the driving force of the plot, it's Gus that the movie WANTS us to connect with, it's Gus that the movie wants us to feel sorry for, it's Gus that the movie gives it's "weight" to. But we don't care. Richard Pryor is ABYSMAL in this film. I have never seen an excellent comedian so poorly utilized in my life.

And then there's the whole "mean Superman" thing. Not only is it basically just an excuse to play some sort of "look we're edgy now" card, it's just uncomfortable. To give Spider-Man 3 some credit, Tobey Maguire legitimately embraced being an asshole. He was clearly having the time of his life playing that ridiculous jackass. Reeve just looks uncomfortable, like a little innocent kid whose being forced to say swear words or something. It never feels natural. It always feels wrong.

And thing is, these would all just be bad films on their own. But they're shoved in here. Superman III INVENTED the over-stuffed comic book movie. It's shorter than Superman II, and it feels longer than the 3 hour version of Superman 1! It's so confused, so crammed, so dissonant that you'd again swear Spider-Man 3 was taking notes from it. What really irks me though is how much potential there is to these plots. Look at Superman IV and you can clearly see those plots are made for Silver Age schlock and nothing more. THESE plots though? Done right they could be fucking brilliant! A Superman who becomes corrupted could be amazing if he then has to deal with the consequences of those actions, as well as the guilt. A computer genius taking on Superman out of vulnerability could be good if he was likable and developed. Clark finding a sense of peace with Lana Lang could be good if either she knew about his identity or if things ultimately didn't work out and it became a true experience of loss for Clark. Ironically enough, I think all THREE of these were done in Smallville, the show! And done much better (Although Lana got annoying there after a while). In fact, it's strange to see how much influence some later stuff takes from Superman III, and they do it much better than this film does.

Sadly, this film can't be saved. I've watched fan-edits that try to make it more serious, and while they are better than the original film, they're still not good. It's not like Batman Forever where there's a good narrative buried under the camp. Here, there's camp buried under camp with a semi-okay narrative also there on the side that can be taken out completely and miss nothing. And at least films like Batman and Robin and Superman IV friggin' commit to the Silver Age insanity. At least they go totally over-the-top with crazy eccentric villains and true 60s Batman style fun. And that's really it. You really want to know why Superman III's camp is worse than IV's camp? Well what's the point of intentional camp? To be funny. Superman IV is funny. Superman III is not. It's dull, drawn out, and as the film goes on the bad begins to devour the good. It's a film that is infuriating to no end.

Superman III gets a dismal 3/10 in my book. And one out of that 3 is for the Clark v Superman fight alone.

Next time, we discuss the hidden Silver Age heart of Superman IV The Quest for Peace. Oh I'm gonna offend some people with that one.